As I began to move toward the integration of this feminine aspect of myself that I had abandoned so long ago, deeming that part of myself of little or no value to me, one of the first issues that came up for me was the issue of deserving. Spirit began to work with me on believing that I deserved to first want what I truly want and then to further believe that I deserved to have what I want. The things that I truly want are not so grandiose--at least not yet. Nonetheless, I was amazed to learn there were some things I truly wanted, from the very depths of my heart, which I did not believe I deserved to have.
Moving toward fully believing that I deserve to have the things I truly want has been a process of several weeks for me, and again, I have watched as women in my circle have begun to deal with this as well. For many of us, it is appearing in the area of relationships, particularly with those of the opposite sex. I suppose this should not be too surprising as the initial energy that began this transformational process for many of us was the energy of the feminine aspects of ourselves being abandoned by masculine energy in one form or another. For most of us, that abandonment has taken many forms, until we have reached this opportunity to release this pattern for ourselves.
It seems now that many of us are in the process of re-evaluating ourselves, of redefining our worth as women, at least individually if not collectively. In the process, some of us are discovering that situations or things or perhaps even people that we were willing to tolerate in our lives are intolerable to us now. Our estimation of ourselves has changed, perhaps on a very subtle level, but it has changed nonetheless. And now, this re-valuation of ourselves is beginning to lead to changes in our circumstances and relationships. We find ourselves making different decisions now about what we want and what we believe we deserve and can have.
This re-evaluation of ourselves, this new estimation of our worth, this desire for more now comes from the more feminine aspects of ourselves abandoned oh so long ago. In that respect, it is unfamiliar to us, and perhaps uncomfortable. But interestingly enough, it comes with its own quiet strength and a certitude that we may have never felt before. This new estimation of ourselves comes not out of the more masculine ego. Nor is our desire for more accompanied by a feeling of competitiveness or a need to strive and struggle. Rather, it comes from its own uniquely feminine place of openness and receptivity. The things we truly desire must come to us, we believe, because we have acknowledged our worthiness to receive them and have, at least on a subtle energetic level if not a conscious one, opened ourselves to receive them as if they are our birthright. And, perhaps they are.
Some of us are not quite ready for this re-evaluation. This was made quite clear to me today by an acquaintance who I believe is still in denial of her birthright of deserving. But others of us have also quite clearly embraced this re-evaluation of ourselves. As one friend of mine put it so aptly today, "Good enough just isn't good enough any more."
For me personally, as I continue to move more fully into the feeling and belief of true deserving--deserving of love, deserving of peace, deserving of true happiness and joy--I find it is accompanied by a deeper compassion, a deeper level of sweetness of spirit. I hope over the next few weeks to see tangible signs of these feelings of deeper compassion and sweetness impact those around me.
If you have not begun the process of re-evaluation of your worth, or even the re-integration of feminine aspects of yourself that you may have denied or abandoned at some point along your journey, I invite you to join with us now. It has already been an exciting last two months for me, seeing changes that I have longed to see in myself for a long time. I wish the same for you.