Sunday, August 16, 2009


It's Sunday night and time for a new post, but I am avoiding work, which I had vowed to do all day and have yet to accomplish! I am feeling sad, and melancholy with no real reason in sight. I've been thinking a lot over the past few days about this whole non-abandonment of the feminine. What would be the opposite of non-abandonment any way? Actually embracing it? Perhaps we could coin a new word: embracement. That as we move away from abandoning the feminine, we move toward complete and total "embracement." That seems like a word I could live with--embracement. (The definition, as it now appears in Mindy's dictionary: embracement--the act of embracing; the state of being in total embrace.)

I raised the question in the first post that I do not even know what to call the feminine part of me that I apparently abandoned so long ago. Do I call it the feminine principle? That seems to feel right. It seems to fit the most closely for now. Does it even help to define it? I don't know. But for some reason tonight, I am needing definition. Perhaps simply because I need the clarity that can accompany definition, which perhaps is really what I am needing tonight, as I continue to move forward on this path of embracement of the feminine principle.

As I began this journey several months ago, I thought, as I have numerous times over the years about all the admonitions to nurture my inner child. It seems as though no matter how many times I have heard it or read it, I still have little or no concept of what in the world it means to actually do it. How do I nurture my inner child? Sometimes I wonder how to even find her! When I wrote my first post to this blog, I knew that I did not have the answer yet on how to move toward complete and total embracement of the feminine principle or power in me that I had abandoned so long ago. I wish I could tell you right now that I do have that answer. It would make me feel so much wiser than I feel in this moment.

I do know that by simply being willing to fully integrate the feminine in me, I have begun a process of opening up in ways that I little imagined three months ago. Just setting the intention to allow the integration, to allow the balance of this part of myself with the other parts of me, and tonight, setting the intention to move toward full embracement, has set things in motion. I know this is about claiming my full power as a woman, as a human being on this earth, as a soul that is intricately intertwined with so many others. It is time that my life take a different path. It is time that I am guided by a different voice, a more full and complete voice, the voice of myself as I chose to come into this world so long ago. And tonight, this is what I choose. I choose to be in a state of total embrace with myself. I choose embracement.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Re-estimating Our Value--What do we truly deserve?

As I began to move toward the integration of this feminine aspect of myself that I had abandoned so long ago, deeming that part of myself of little or no value to me, one of the first issues that came up for me was the issue of deserving. Spirit began to work with me on believing that I deserved to first want what I truly want and then to further believe that I deserved to have what I want. The things that I truly want are not so grandiose--at least not yet. Nonetheless, I was amazed to learn there were some things I truly wanted, from the very depths of my heart, which I did not believe I deserved to have.

Moving toward fully believing that I deserve to have the things I truly want has been a process of several weeks for me, and again, I have watched as women in my circle have begun to deal with this as well. For many of us, it is appearing in the area of relationships, particularly with those of the opposite sex. I suppose this should not be too surprising as the initial energy that began this transformational process for many of us was the energy of the feminine aspects of ourselves being abandoned by masculine energy in one form or another. For most of us, that abandonment has taken many forms, until we have reached this opportunity to release this pattern for ourselves.

It seems now that many of us are in the process of re-evaluating ourselves, of redefining our worth as women, at least individually if not collectively. In the process, some of us are discovering that situations or things or perhaps even people that we were willing to tolerate in our lives are intolerable to us now. Our estimation of ourselves has changed, perhaps on a very subtle level, but it has changed nonetheless. And now, this re-valuation of ourselves is beginning to lead to changes in our circumstances and relationships. We find ourselves making different decisions now about what we want and what we believe we deserve and can have.

This re-evaluation of ourselves, this new estimation of our worth, this desire for more now comes from the more feminine aspects of ourselves abandoned oh so long ago. In that respect, it is unfamiliar to us, and perhaps uncomfortable. But interestingly enough, it comes with its own quiet strength and a certitude that we may have never felt before. This new estimation of ourselves comes not out of the more masculine ego. Nor is our desire for more accompanied by a feeling of competitiveness or a need to strive and struggle. Rather, it comes from its own uniquely feminine place of openness and receptivity. The things we truly desire must come to us, we believe, because we have acknowledged our worthiness to receive them and have, at least on a subtle energetic level if not a conscious one, opened ourselves to receive them as if they are our birthright. And, perhaps they are.

Some of us are not quite ready for this re-evaluation. This was made quite clear to me today by an acquaintance who I believe is still in denial of her birthright of deserving. But others of us have also quite clearly embraced this re-evaluation of ourselves. As one friend of mine put it so aptly today, "Good enough just isn't good enough any more."

For me personally, as I continue to move more fully into the feeling and belief of true deserving--deserving of love, deserving of peace, deserving of true happiness and joy--I find it is accompanied by a deeper compassion, a deeper level of sweetness of spirit. I hope over the next few weeks to see tangible signs of these feelings of deeper compassion and sweetness impact those around me.

If you have not begun the process of re-evaluation of your worth, or even the re-integration of feminine aspects of yourself that you may have denied or abandoned at some point along your journey, I invite you to join with us now. It has already been an exciting last two months for me, seeing changes that I have longed to see in myself for a long time. I wish the same for you.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Feminine Integration: Can we leave abandonment behind?

Today feels a little auspicious in that I have decided to begin a blog--something I really didn't imagine mysefl doing and am still a little hesitant about. My decision came after I heard various women in my circle saying to me, "Funny you should say that; that's what I've been dealing with," or "That really resonates with me," or, "How did you know?" It became clear to me a number of us were going through similar emotional issues simultaneously, and, in my perception, are truly on the leading edge of a transpersonal transformation that extends far beyond our individual selves.

The current process I believe we are in began about two months ago, when it seemed that every woman in my circle of friends, myself included, was dealing with issues of abandonment by men in their lives. This took various forms and happened in various ways, but the underlying issue was the same in every case. Many of us, two months ago, were feeling abandoned in some way by some man who was significant in our lives.

As I began to acknowledge this for myself and work through my feelings, I received a significant gift from a man whom I have never met and have only spoken with one time. This very special man gave me the insight that I needed to help me understand what was happening. Highly intuitive, he began to share with me his insight. He told me that as a child, the feminine was not highly valued in my family and as a result, I had abandoned my more feminine gifts and focused on developing my mind and intellect. He went on to share that the little girl in me, who came into this world with all these feminine gifts, felt abandoned by me and was actually feeling quite lonely.

As he spoke the words, I could feel the truth of them. I knew then that the abandonment I had experienced recently with a very dear friend of mine was simply a reflection of my own abandonment of all of my feminine gifts so many years ago. As I write this, I'm smiling because I am actually a very girlie-girl and it seems a little ironic for me to be writing about my abandonment of the feminine. But the feminine I am speaking of, and still haven't fully defined for myself, goes much farther than what many of us have traditionally defined as feminine. It includes intuition and sensitivity, but I have the sense that it goes so much deeper than that. I acutally can't wait to see how my understanding of this feminine unfolds over the next several months. But, I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

As I began to work with the new understanding and committed myself to accepting and integrating any feminine aspects of myself that I may have chosen to abadon as a child, I again noticed that many of the women in my circle were moving into this phase as well. I had a very strong sense that individually and collectively, as we women move into true acceptance and integration of this aspect of ourselves, we are actually part of a global movement, one that is affecting the very core energy of our planet. This new phase, integration, and acceptance may last for one to two years for many of us. I am excited to see how it all unfolds, not just for me, but for us all.

So, here's to us--women on the leading edge--and here's to the men who love us and are supporing us (we hope!) as we go through this transformation. And here's to greater understanding and even further transformation as we join together to support each other through this process. In that spirit, I welcome your comments, not just to me, but to the others who may be reading this blog as well.